A Time For Telling
by Sassy1013
Summary: Mulder thought that Scully would never know how he truly feels about her, he thought he could never tell her because of the danger it put her in. But sometimes, someone’s love is so strong, you can feel it even before they tell you it’s there.(R&r We


Title: A Time For Telling- sequel to She Will Never Know

Title: A Time For Telling- sequel to She Will Never Know

Rating:

Spoilers: 7th season, mainly Sein Und Zeit and Closure.

Disclaimer: These characters are not mine, blah, blah, blah… You know the drill.

Summary: Mulder thought that Scully would never know how he truly feels about her, he thought he could never tell her because of the danger it put her in.But sometimes, someone's love is so strong, you can feel it even before they tell you it's there.

Pain is everything and nothing.

But love… is the world on its knees.

The night had been long, and painful.She held me so close, and yet, she was so far out of my reach.Her arms held me close to her body, where I needed to be; I needed to feel her life.She softly stroked my hair as my head rested against her chest, and I cried.I felt so ashamed, so weak.But it hurt too much; the pain overwhelmed me and just took control.She must've sensed I felt this way; she knew I felt this way.

"It's okay." She whispered softly. "I know it hurts."I could hear it in her voice.I could hear her sympathy, her pain for me and my loss.It wasn't fair.She shouldn't have to feel this way for me; I don't deserve it.

I started to pull away from her, in every sense.I pulled out of her embrace, and put a wall between us, invisible but what I thought was strong.I swung my feet over the side of the bed, keeping my back to her.

"Mulder, please…" She didn't want me to close off to her, but I had to.It was the only way to protect her, keep her safe.

"I have to go." I said, in a voice so quiet I wasn't sure she heard me.I got up from the edge of the bed, and walked towards her bedroom door.I could feel her eyes on my back, confused and hurt that I wouldn't let her help me.Pleading, for me to turn around and let her give me comfort.I couldn't do that, I just couldn't…

"Mulder, don't go.You shouldn't be alone right now." She tried to reason.This wasn't her doctor, or her rational side; this was my Scully.My best friend, my partner.The woman I loved.

I turned to face her; my eyes must've shown my sadness and despair.

"No matter.I've always been alone, Scully.What's the difference now?" I asked sadly, my voice just above a pained whisper.

I watched the hurt expression on her face.I didn't know if it was for me, or because of me, of what I'd just said.

"You have me, Mulder." She said quietly, in a tone that was disbelieving of what I'd just said.I just shook my head slowly.

"I never have." I whispered dejectedly.I turned my back to her, and left her room, not closing the door behind me.

I reached her front door, my head whirling with thoughts of why I was even put on this earth in the first place.My eyes flicked to the gun on her end table, next to her answering machine.I walked over to it, and stared down at it.Slowly I reached down for it, and just as slowly picked it up, thinking, maybe I never had a place here; maybe I was someone that was never meant to be in the first place.Maybe… I should leave.Not just her apartment, but this earth.Maybe, I should just die now.At least that way I'd know that they could never hurt her again because of me.

"I know what you're thinking.Please…don't." Her voice was so soft and troubled.I turned to face her.She stood in the middle of the living room, watching me with beseeching blue eyes.

"I'd die… if I ever lost you." I could see tears in her eyes. "I wouldn't know what to do without you, Mulder."

"Yes, you would." I whispered, not believing her.

"No-"

"You'd be hurt at first, because we were best friends.But then… it'd get easier, and you'd forget all about me.No one would remember that I even existed." I said; I wasn't thinking clearly.I looked away from her, back down at the gun in my hand.I checked the clip.It was loaded.I bit my bottom lip, contemplating.I had it pointed at myself, while one of my fingers rested limply on the trigger.

"Mulder, please… You're scaring me." Her voice certainly didn't betray her words.She was scared.Scared that I might do something rash.

"If I do it… it would all just… go away." I said, my voice full of despondency.

"The pain?" I looked up at her. "Mulder, killing yourself isn't the answer.We can do this together; I-I can help you… I can ease your pain." She was slowly moving towards me, a little at a time.I could still see the tears shining in her eyes, and I swore that they were going to fall at any second once again because of me.

"No…" I whispered.

"At least let me try?" She whispered back.

"No.I won't do this to you anymore, Scully." I said firmly, trying to control my emotions.

"Do what, Mulder?" She blurted, franticness in her voice. "I don't understand what you think you're doing, or have done, to me." Her words were distressed.

I just lowered my head, looking back down at the gun again.I shook my head slowly.Maybe it was better that she didn't understand.

"Talk to me… Please, Mulder.Talk to me." She was even closer to me now.If things went the way I wanted them to, there was no harm in telling her why I wanted to do it.

"I'm sick, Scully.Sick of all the pain." I watched her expression, her face contorted from trying not to cry. "I…I just can't take it.If I do this, I won't feel it anymore." I explained, my voice tired and distraught.She was even closer to me now, an arms length away.I looked back down at the gun.

"Mulder, please put down the gun." She begged, her voice strained with tears.I could almost hear the painful knot in her throat as she swallowed against it. "Please…" She whispered.

I stared down at the gun.I swallowed my tears.I felt so tired.Tired of fighting, tired of trying, tired of being hurt.And tired of hurting the ones I loved the most.

"I just want it to go away." I said. "I just want the pain to go away, Scully."

Her hand covered mine, the one that held the gun.I looked at her.I looked at her face, and into her eyes.

"Then let me take it away." She said softly.I gazed at her.I watched the tears fall from her eyes, and then felt the gun slip from my hand.It clattered to the floor.And then everything hit me full force.My legs refused to hold me up, and I sank to the floor.Scully sank with me.

She pulled me to her, and wrapped me in her arms as I cried.At first I didn't move, I felt numb, and I just let her hold me.Then, I closed my arms around her, and hugged her as tightly as she hugged me.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, how long we held each other, or how long she rocked me there on floor as we cried.Long enough for me to slowly pull back and look at her.We just gazed at each other; we were so close.I reached one hand out to caress her cheek, and she covered my hand with her own.After a few moments, we let our hands fall away, but didn't release them.Instead, we held on, and gazed in silence again for a few more moments.Before, finally, I spoke.She needed to know; I had to tell her.

"Scully… I-"

"Shh…" She put a finger to my lips. "I know." She said softly.She slowly let her finger fall away.Slowly, she leaned towards me.

She kissed me then.She kissed me softly, and I kissed her back.When that first kiss, so chaste, had ended, I took her in my arms.We held each other; she rested her chin on my shoulder, and I buried my face in the small of her neck.She'd already taken so much pain away.And as we held each other, there on the floor of her apartment, I knew…I knew everything was going to be all right.I knew that's how she would make it… how we would make it.


End file.
